I am Seiko, a psychotherapist working in both New Zealand and Japan.
I am starting a blog today.
This is a big step forward for me. I am a type of person who enjoy reading people’s blogs and reviews on products, but would never put my thoughts out there!
I’ve admitted that I was afraid to express myself. I was always worried about how other people think of me. I had a fear of “letting myself be seen.”
The reason why I wanted to start a blog is because I’ve experienced that the more I allow myself to express my inner truths, the more my life opens up.
In a process of getting in touch with my emotional truths that were previously unfelt or suppressed, I feel that the course of my life has fundamentally changed for the better.
I did not even know that I had a fear of “being myself.” In my psychotherapy training alongside my spiritual practice, I’ve discovered that healing occurs when we come to terms with the parts of us that have been unfelt, unseen and unlived.
I now know that recurring emotional pains come up in order to heal not to suffer. They are what has been pushed away from us. They come back to be treated with our love.
I have become more aware of emotional pains and sadness that were previously suppressed. Increased self-awareness has helped me become more compassionate with those parts of me that are hurting.
What I have realised in this process is that as my ability to be empathic with my vulnerability has deepened, my empathic capacity for others’ pain has also deepened.
Kohut, a psychologist, says that empathic capacity develops through finding ourselves in others. (1)
We first bring compassion into our vulnerability, and then our increased compassion to be with our pain naturally translates into our compassion with others in need. In this way we create a world of compassion around us.
It is a revelation to me that there is only one condition for us to become truly happy – being ourselves. Being true to myself was what I was the most afraid of, yet my deepest desire at the same time. It is compassion for myself that has liberated me.
So I have decided to stop hiding myself behind a fear of being judged. I want to let my voice out. I seek courage to let myself be seen as I am rather than altering myself for getting external validation.
In this blog I would like to share theories and practices that have helped me find a way back to who I really am. I would also like to use stories of my inner process so that you can relate to psychological processes even if they are invisible.
Above all, it is my wish that there are more people who experience a joy of life by being true to themselves.
I feel some anxiety about expressing myself in writing as English is my second language and my English is Japanised lol but only practice makes perfect.
I have decided to start a blog now as I believe this is one way of being true to myself in the world. If I keep waiting for my English to be good enough like native English, the day will never come!
I now know that this is actually not about my English. It is about my sense of worthiness. English often makes me feel inadequate as I really am.
I’ve realised this sense of “falling short” kept me trapped in an endless cycle of self-improvement – this is a bottomless hole that can never be filled.
I believe that through being true to myself I break free of this cycle and stand my own ground of worthiness. Only when I fully bring myself forward, I can be truly present with another person.
It is my hope that this blog is an invitation for you to set out on a journey back to who you really are.
Seiko
(1) Strozier, C. B. (2001). Heinz Kohut: The making of a psychoanalyst. New York, NT: Other Press.
