I went to the comedy and clown workshop last weekend.
I laughed like crazy.
I really enjoyed being ridiculous.
Can you imagine what would happen when you completely let yourself go?
It is so hilarious!
There is something really funny about being totally spontaneous.
You have no clue what will come out when you let go of your logical mind.
Kind of scary, isn’t it?
It turned out to be an incredible time, though, to experience a pure state of “being” without thinking and worrying.
When I first put on my red nose behind the black certain and was getting ready to show up, I was going through an intense inner conflict.
Are you serious, Seiko? Really?
Really????
This is totally ridiculous!!!!!
I can’t stop giggling.
But I can’t back off now.
I just have to commit to being there 100%!
I appear in front of everyone without hesitation.
This is the moment my logical mind is completely gone.
I feel so good!!!
I am breathing in everyone’s reactions.
It is so hilarious that they are watching me like an interesting creature as if they have never seen it before.
It seems that a magical space begins to emerge when everyone is no longer limited in a logical mind.
Before the workshop, I was thinking for a while if this was for me or not.
I was afraid to be spontaneous.
To be spontaneous I have to let myself be vulnerable.
I didn’t want to feel vulnerable.
I had one thing that had been making me sad for a long time, and I didn’t want my grief to be triggered.
The facilitator , Lisa Brickell, said that when we do clown work, a part of us which is wanting to come out most, yet has been suppressed, tends to come out.
The essence of who we are comes out.
I was stunned that such a joyful, bouncy feeling came out despite my grief.
Does that mean a joyful part of me has been wanting to come out most? Even though I have been grieving?
Through experiencing sheer joy, I feel like my life is trying to tell me that life is meant to be enjoyed; the deeper the grief, the greater the joy.
A Buddhist sage’s words came into my mind:
“The river is not rejected by the ocean; nor does the practitioner reject suffering. Were it not for the flowing rivers, there would be no sea.”
I wonder if hard times have pushed out the boundary of my heart.
I had an image that my life is like a vast ocean.
It may be that my prolonged struggle clouded my ability to trust the other side of suffering – joy.
But now I feel ready to receive “everything,” like the ocean, not only suffering but also joy that is born through life challenges.
I will open the floodgate of joy of life!
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